The Tales Of The Great Vagina Dress

November 27, 2016

Chrissy Teigan. And her dress.

I love a good fanny slip. Possibly coz I’m a nudist and I love women, possibly coz I’m a bit pervy and am always interested in fanny fashion. So I’m going to say it, I wasn’t one of those deeply offended chicks when Chrissy Teigan popped a flap last week at the AMA awards. You wanna hear something funny? When my husband and I first got together (back when we used to have fun) we got drunk one night and I drew 2 huge eyes on a piece of cardboard, cut them out and stuck them on the pubes above his dick, it was seriously then funniest thing we had ever seen, it made his knob look like a nose, his pubes were eyebrows, like you would cry laughing if I showed you the picture. We sent a photo to all of our close friends and they called immediately laughing hysterically. One night while reminiscing the incident I told my friends that we should do it again, this time using my vagina….. Silence…… Everyone stopped laughing and one of our friends said, “TOO FAR CON!!!!” What? We send each other dick pics…. we are besties and joke about everything. What about my fanny is too far? My cousin shows his bum crack every time he bends over, pretty much the whole thing hangs out. I was bush walking with my friend and her husband recently and he stopped for a wee, he barely turned around so immersed in the conversation and I definitely copped an eye full of side dick. We joke about men wanking, men getting stiffies, yet we barely acknowledge that chicks don’t mind a little clit tickle and often crack a slippery when we’re turned on or ovulating or just feel like a damn good rogering. Shhhhh we better not talk about that…. Men appear to have more rights to their own bodies then women do. I could write a book and call it “The casually loveable penis and his mysteriously aloof friend” I have 2 sons and 2 daughters, I’ve noticed a vast difference in the way that our own family treats their nudity. Boys are harmless, entitled to cruise around the house in the nud after a bath while everyone chases the girls around with their undies shoving them on as quickly as possible. People in general are less comfortable with females nudity then mens. Im not saying that everyone would have been cool with a penis flop on the catwalk, clearly folks would have been up in arms over that too. What Im saying is…. did anyone die? Did womens wages instantly decline? Did anyone feel like they had the right to grab it after they saw it? No, in fact, the biggest effect her fanny had on the world was a bit of global minge trim motivation, all thanks to Chrissy. You see my fanny, like Chrissy’s pops out all the time. My husband refers to it as a “Flap attack” when one of my flaps pops out the side of my undies and I’m sitting on the couch crossed legged, he points and chants the word ‘flaaaaaap attack’ I laugh, I don’t see the vulva as a sacred or dirty or serious or even that mysterious. Its just another piece of skin, with a pretty vertical smile, some are hairy and some are bald, some are tanned and some are pale, some (like mine) carry a little bit of extra chub to keep themselves warm in winter. Some happen to sit on top of 2 long legs and pop out to say hi at award ceremonies. Is that anti-feminism? Is that a step back for womankind? God no. Lighten up world, its a fanny not a nuclear bomb. And when they aren’t being violated or disrespected I’d like to see more of them. But I’m a nudist. And I love women. Con xxxx

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Constance Hall

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Constance Hall

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