Living the Dream

February 9, 2016

Yesterday morning was a typical morning.

Twins up at 6am, I get their bottles and get them out of cots.

They both wee’d through their nappies. I changed their bed sheets, I change their nappies, then they BOTH decided to take a shit in their clean nappies, so I changed them again, Snows poo rolled onto the floor And for some sleep deprived reason I just bent down and picked it up with my fingers, I washed my hands 4 times, still stank of shit. Arlo woke up, grunted at me, sat on the couch and screamed for TV, I said no, he screamed louder, I said yes.

Billiy-Violet wakes up, pretending to have a tummy ache, refusing to brush out her dread locks, feeling generally sorry for her own existence. Her and Arlo find some invalid excuse to cry while eating their cereal, they both think this earns them a day off. It doesn’t. I feed twins. We can’t find a hair lacky. I force the kids to brush their teeth and direct them into the car. For no apparent reason at all twins scream I wrestle them into their car seats. I pull up to chemist, it’s closed, go to another one, forgot my bank card, find change in car, buy hair ties. Get to school. Late. Billie-Violet walked herself to class, shot me a dagger with tears streaming down her face, I felt like shit. I put the twins into the pram and walked Arlo to kindy, he broke down, kicking and screaming, the teacher grabbed him off me and told me to just go, it’s best. I walked away to the sound of my little warrior screaming “I want you mummy, please mummy” through his tears. I cried too. The twins screamed when they realised they were getting back in their car seats, bend backs and kicks. I shoved them into their seats with more force then I’m proud of, I can feel the judgements, I can hear the “she’s not coping” thoughts beaming out of the other mums heads, I sped off, fuck the supermarket ambition out the window, straight home. Get twins home, made them a bottle and put them back to bed for a nap. 30 minutes to myself. I sat out the front in the sun looking at the ingrown hairs on my legs, a bee flew up my skirt, I’m scared of bees, I yanked my skirt off in a movement that looked like an odd interpretive dance and remembered I wasn’t wearing undies, couldn’t find clean ones. So my neighbours pretty much saw my hairy bush and white bum as I turned around and ran inside, now I kind of know why they didn’t accept my friend requests. I found some clean undies, put them on, get my period in them. Twins woke up, both being kind of cute. Rumi steals my phone,somehow turns my iTunes on, Oasis comes on, Snow starts dancing to Wonderwall. I lie on the floor and sing/tickle/blow raspberries with them. Phone rings, a queen from school, wondering if I was ok after Arlo’s nervous breakdown, told me Im amazing. Thanks queen. I found another pair of clean undies, adjusted the crown and got the fuck on with it. ‪#‎likeaqueen‬ ‪#‎queensofconstance‬

Constance Hall

About the Author

Constance Hall

Follow Constance Hall:

Logo Header Menu
Skip to toolbar