Breast feeding Woes

February 25, 2016

There are pros and cons to breast and bottle feeding, breast – you don’t have to make or wash anything, formula – you can get someone else do it..

Even though I do remember going to sleep for a nap once and leaving Billie-V with Bill only to be woken up, he had pulled down my top and was cradling her as she sucked from my boob. Creepy. Breast feeding ain’t always glamorous and it certainly isn’t easy. When I was pregnant with my first baby I was really excited by that awesome connection between mum and baby, they suckle, you stroke their hair, your own hair’s blow dried and a glowing smile resides on your face…

I wasn’t expecting the royal fucking let down that for me was crying through the pain of bleeding, cracked nipples being sucked on innocently by a baby who was actually causing me unthinkable agony. A sweaty dread locked ponytail and a mild stench of sour milk, it wasn’t pretty. Babies don’t all come out suckling, some need to be taught, teaching a baby to feed is hard and frustrating. Once Bill stood on the other side of a closed door and asked me if I needed anything, I responded by throwing something at the door. He didn’t push the matter. Expressing milk can pretty much just go and fuck itself, 3 of my babies have been over 5 weeks prem, a lot of expressing involved in premmie babies. I now have a rule, if I need to pump I’m switching to formula, nothing is worth the ordeal. A nipple that is being sucked through a breast pump looks kind of related to the image of a kid blowing his mouth against a window that you are on the other side of.. It’s just squashed and wrong. When someone pops over unannounced when you’re pumping you actually feel around with your free hand for something to throw at them. I’m not saying it’s ok to throw things at your husbands friends, I’m saying it’s ok to want to. The twins “self weaned” at 6 months old. Probably because I was giving them formula most of the time anyway.. Did my bond with them change? No way, It strengthened. My bond with all of my children has strengthened as I have felt calmer, more relaxed, better rested and with the twins, that relaxation came in the form of formula. Don’t ever consider yourself failing at breast feeding. Queens don’t fail. Some continue, some change their minds, some never wanted to and some have no choice. But none of them fail. Baby is fed? Queenie’s a success. Ps, yes this is a picture of me, sleeping, while breast feeding twins, while sitting up and actually being awake. Talk about multi tasking fucking glamour Queen. Con

Constance Hall

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Constance Hall

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